They say love is selfish. Many times, we pick a partner because of how they make us feel, then we treat them with conditional behavior when all the feels are not quite right.
Take a moment to self reflect, would you date yourself? Do you love yourself enough to share the overflow with someone else? We were recently approached by «Love Coach» Sandy Kaufmann with her research and she had some interesting points to share about Love Patterns:
You may wonder why it is difficult to be happily in love and it is easy to place blame on failed relationships. The only constant is you. What is the love pattern that you bring to the table and how has it been reacted to by your ex-partners? On the contrary, they are also bringing their own love pattern to the table and these two sets of “hopeful baggage” will either ignite strength and unity, or add another micro-tear to your life story until you consciously take charge of your subconscious. This, of course, does not apply the same when your partner is simply building themselves up while utilizing you as a stepping stone…which is an entirely different topic about self-worth and exiting a relationship as soon as red flags are clearly incorrigible.
This vague notion is simply a limiting belief in love. The thesis is that you unconsciously feel “as true” in love so it’s integrated in a way that you do not even question or realize it. Throughout the course of your life, you have experienced – or recorded – a number of proven theories about love. These proven concepts can be positive and negative based on your own personal history. To know if you have a limiting pattern in love, you just need to know if you are happy or unhappy in love.
If you are unhappy, this inevitably means that you have restrictive love patterns. In short, we all have restrictive love patterns. Some people are able to enter into a relationship and will have to deal with conflict, for others the patterns are so restrictive that they cannot even enter into a long-term relationship.
According to Sandy Kaufmann, a love pattern can take 3 directions…
Referring to you as a person, for example:
I don’t deserve love
I am dependent in love
I’m overweight, so I can’t be loved
I need to be perfect to be loved
Referring to your views on men, for example:
Men are unreliable
Men always cheat on their wives
Men are all bastards
Referring to the predetermination of your relationship’s future, including the famous five wounds of Lise Bourbeau (rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal and injustice) and many other patterns:
I will always be rejected
I will always be let down
I will always be betrayed
I will always be humiliated
I will always be a victim of injustice
I will always be unhappy in love
I would always have to sacrifice myself to be loved
Ultimately, these are subliminal thoughts that determine who you are attracted to, because you unconsciously choose the person who will confirm that your love pattern is correct, even if it is negative.
Once you find yourself in a stressful love situation (meaning that for one reason or another you are not getting the love you inherently want), the reptilian brain will make a search in its database for a past reaction you made that helped you survive this lack of love and subsequently send neurotransmitters to the body so you can physically repeat that same survival action that aided you in the past (freeze, fight or flight). This clearly adds another layer, cementing your love pattern behavior until you recognize how you can better honor and love yourself in ways no other human can.
Imagine yourself as a tree. The trunk is your physical being, the roots are your core personality strengths and the branches are strong enough to sway any direction regardless of circumstance because you, at the core, are well-nourished and strong when you consume only what is good for you.
But what happens when your roots were tainted with malnourishment, weakening our senses? Unfortunately, we cannot control what happened in our past, but the greatest gift is recognizing key moments and changing patterns. The origins of your love patterns are generally formed in childhood either in the way you received love from your parents, or how you felt about the partnership model of your caregivers. For example:
How have your love patterns been subconsciously recorded? How can you nurture and nourish those roots, giving you strength to expand to your fullest potential?
It takes deep diving into the most vulnerable depths of your core being – the places that make you feel the most uncomfortable when approached – to make a lasting change and rewrite how your neurotransmitters respond to negative love situations rather than repeating behaviors that are ultimately bad for your longevity.
Here the points of view are divided. Many coaches, therapists, psychotherapists or love counsellors believe that it is enough to become aware of your love pattern and then behave as if this pattern does not exist in order to change the pattern.
Sandy Kaufmann believes this is not enough because these patterns are recorded at the level of your reptilian brain (survival) and not at the level of the rational brain (consciousness). Therefore, when faced with stressful situations in love, the rational brain is switched off, so to speak, and it is the reptilian brain that takes control of our actions, reactions and emotions.
With time and repetition, the reptilian brain delegates its programming to the body, especially to the organs. This explains why the more we repeat a pattern, the more this programming becomes anchored, the more automatic it becomes and the more difficult it is to change. This also explains why you still do not understand why you act this way when you actually (consciously) want to act differently…almost as if your behavior is out of your control.
The reptilian brain also determines who you are attracted to (Dawn Maslar proved this scientifically) and sadly if you are unlucky enough to have experienced very negative love patterns, you will often be attracted to men who make you suffer. It is therefore very important to deprogram this reptilian brain in three steps, and Sandy offers a wonderful 4-week self-guided online program to help you conquer the first step:
Become more self-aware and recognize the love patterns you repeat. This includes a complete evaluation of your love life since childhood, your transgenerational heritage from birth, in order to understand your relationship and love response mechanisms.
Once this is accomplished,
you are ready to dive deep
into Step 2 & 3 with
Private Love Coach Sessions
led by Sandy
Deprogram love patterns in the reptilian brain and organs. In the psychocorporeal approach that Sandy practices, she examines which event in the past is the origin of the negative pattern in order to understand which physical body organs have recorded this pattern.
Then, using a massage of the visceral osteopathic type, you will work together to deprogram the pattern and preventing the organs from responding (i.e. cramping or fleeing) to the event that created the pattern. Essentially, this helps to overwrite the organ’s memory with conscious love.
Reprogramming of the desired reaction pattern. To prevent the reptilian brain from registering a new pattern that is not beneficial to us, we will directly reprogram the reaction pattern we desire in love (in the same way as in step 2, except this is positive).
So the reptilian brain will help you in love in the sense that you will be attracted to people who are more useful to you, or that you will find faith in love (love makes you happy), in men (men desire a happy and healthy wife) or in yourself (I am worthy to be loved as I am).
To change love patterns for good, you only need to come to a one-to-one session for one day. Once the patterns are changed, there is no need to return for additional counseling. This day is an integral part of Sandy’s individual coaching to be happy as a couple and you are able to truly set yourself free to enjoy dancing in the wind with newfound strength.
Sandy Kaufmann – Love Coach
Website . Tel: +41 78 688 56 41
Gather your team, kick off your shoes and grab a beer to celebrate Olé, olé, olé au Lac. Available for groups of 15+ through 11 July.read more
60 varieties of habaneros, rocotos, ajis, chiles, peppers & wild varieties…Plus tomatoes, veggies & herbs. Now through 17 July.read more